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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

Vega Thompson Fucking with her Sex Machine

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Now, don’t get me started on my neighbors in the East End – it’s a jumble of old brick houses, where folks gossip louder than a jet engine. I once had a client spill tea about a scandal at the town hall (yessir, scandal!) and I nearly dropped my massage oil, laughin’ so hard. Oh, and that reminds me, every now and then, my mind drifts to a line from that movie – “The dude's a dreamer.” Yep, that’s me, a dreamer with calloused hands, spreadin’ sweet relief one kneaded back at a time.